Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
