I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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