Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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