I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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