you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
