just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
