I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
