I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
