I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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