why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
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