it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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