go do what you do best...puke behind churches
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
