my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize