tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
