Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
