i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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