you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have aggressive nipples.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
