Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
