don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
