he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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