my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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