U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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