this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I stole a fireplace last night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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