I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Green mimosas i think yes
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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