Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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