girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
