Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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