she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
