she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize