Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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