Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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