Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
