he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
