Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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