My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
