there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
