did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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