I'm really into asian looking animals
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
