Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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