when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
