I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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