When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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