he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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