My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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