your parents love me but you hate me
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
