90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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