just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
