ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
