i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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