dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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