you would pick up someone in the library
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
