Moan for me like Helen Keller
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
