Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
