woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
