Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize