He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
