I hate your face
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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