I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
