Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
