I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
