Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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