when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
